I don’t like to talk numbers, because the number on the scale is not always accurate to how you look, but for the sake of this blog I’ll spill the beans.

At my highest weight, I was 298 pounds and wore a size 22. Then somewhere around age 18-19 I magically started shedding pounds. Everyone kept asking me, “what’s your secret????” and I would make up some healthy diet and exercise excuse, when really it was my unhealthy habits that contributed to my weight loss. [Please don’t take this as advice, it’s just #RealTalk]

1. Quit Smoking Weed.  OK, I guess this is healthy to do, but still a weirdly obvious tip. I’ll admit it – I used to indulge quite a bit, but my misadventures led me into some real trouble which prompted me to get my shit together. When I stopped smoking pot, I stopped getting the midnight munchies. Going to a treatment program or NA meetings after work kept me from munching out of boredom. In about 3 months, I had lost 30 lbs without lifting a finger. That emotional high of losing weight sure felt (almost) as good as smoking a bowl.
2. Love Swept Me Off My Feet.   My weight fluctuated a bit for the next year or so.  At age 20, I was back up to about 280 lbs. Then I fell flat on my fat ass in love. It was not a healthy relationship. He moved in with me almost immediately (I mean like, same day), before we really got to know each other. I’ve always had insecurities about eating in front of guys I like. It was practically a phobia when I was really young. Anywho, this guy was a total SCRUB! When I wasn’t working, I was driving him around or doing things for him. My diet slowly started weening down to 8 cups of coffee through the day, and a chicken patty on a sandwich for dinner, for about 9 months. During the time we were together, I lost about 50-60 lbs.
3. Love KICKED My Ass, Hard.     He shattered my heart when I found out I was “some white jewish girl [he] uses for money,” at least thats what he told the other girl he was banging behind my back. and I fell into a deep depression. Immediately after/during our breakup, I didn’t eat ANYTHING for FIVE DAYS. Not because I was being anorexic, I was just so fucking depressed. I had to find something to fill the void, so I found me a perfect rebound boy toy. That was fun while it lasted, and was just what I needed to bounce back.
4. I Became A Workaholic.     Also right after the breakup, I filled my life with work, work, work. In need of a more professional wardrobe, I went on a post-breakup shopping spree at Fashion to Figure – I mean the works… had the sales women picking clothes for me, went ant got my hair cut and highlighted, the whole shebang. I felt sexy as hell! Besides feeling good about myself for how I looked, I was kicking ass at work too. I was in a very high-pressure position and I loved my job. I also had absolutely no time to eat at work. I didn’t take breaks, besides for cigarettes and coffee runs.

By Spring, 2010, freshly 21 years old, I was 80 pounds lighter and felt sexy, but I didn’t feel healthy. I started having fainting spells. It was scary and dangerous. My blood pressure was very low and I felt dizzy all the time. My doctor said I had a B12 vitamin deficiency, and also sent me to a cardiologist and neurologist. The cardiologist told me that I have small heart palpitations and low blood pressure. I got my brain scanned by the neurologist and it came back normal. The only thing wrong with my brain is my depression and anxiety disorders.

I gained back another 10 pounds, but recently lost five more. This post is a commitment to myself that if I want to lose more weight, I will do it the healthy way.

Keep Curvy and Stay Curious.