Category Archives: Body


Photos from High Voltage / Energy Up! Brunch on 8/18/13

Photos by Rubi Rose http://www.RubiRose.com

Overcoming Fear and Failure with Stacey Vornbrock – Tune In to “The Juicy Woman” TONIGHT (8/21/13) @ 8PM


Overcoming Fears & Failure with Stacey Vornbrock 08/21 by Andrea Amador | Self Help Podcasts

Call in LIVE at 8pm EST to talk to a professional psychotherapist TONIGHT on Andrea Amador’s LIVE Radio Show!
760-888-5736

Listen to internet radio with Andrea Amador on BlogTalkRadio

Does it feel like your feet are stuck in quicksand because you’re terrified of risking rejection or failure? Are you frustrated

with yourself because you’re just not going for it? Whether in business or relationships, the fear of success and failure are like

two sides of the same coin and if things aren’t clicking, either one of them could be shutting you down. Stacey Vornbrock is a

sports performance pioneer and psychotherapist who works with professional athletes to blow past their fears and bust through

mental blocks. Learn a simple diy stress relief technique called EFT guaranteed to turn your blocks into breakthroughs.

 I met this fabulous woman and her daughter at Yotel in NYC at Sunday’s Brunch by Catherine Schuller.  Andrea, AKA “The Juicy Woman,” the author, the radio host, has such a big personality! Her and her daughter both shine with confidence. I am excited to hear her show tonight, and happy to announce I will hopefully be welcomed as a guest on the show. Please call in with your questions! Tonight is a must-not-miss event!
Myself, Andrea, and Michele Hilton

Myself, Andrea, and Michele Hilton

Keep Curvy an Stay Curious
Listen to internet radio with Andrea Amador on BlogTalkRadio

Am I Curvy or Fat – What’s the Difference?


Good Question.

Fat     /fat/

Adjective: Having a large amount of excess flesh

Curvy     /ˈkərvē/

Adjective:  (esp. of a woman’s figure) Shapely and voluptuous

Hmm… “excess amount of flesh” sounds pretty relative. I know plenty of girls who have “excess flesh,” but they are far from what I would consider “fat.” (Don’t you hate that?)  So, all in all, I see that must draw he conclusion hat all of us curvy girls are fat. There, I said it. We are fat. But we can still be curvy too – no matter how fat you are.

@PreciousKissOfDeath and myself (@xosersclub) on instagram

@PreciousKissOfDeath and myself (@xosersclub) on instagram

This weekend was filled with new experiences. I went to a runway show in Bedford-Stuyvesant in Brooklyn. I had work prior, so I was fashionably late.  I sat down next to a young, African-American, plus size girl to change my shoes.  Dressed in an all black sweatshirt and sweatpants at a block party on a hot summer day, she asks me, “Do you do a lot of modeling?” I told her somewhat, and that I do more acting and such. We engaged in some conversation, and I found out she was only 11 1/2 years old! I told her about this site, and I hope she reads this.

Anywho, after our little talk and mingling with some beautiful straight size models, I realized that – not only was the I only other Full-Figured model there, but I was also the only white person there. Hey, no problem with that, but needless to say I stood out like a sore thumb. Well I made it through my walk, but during the final walk around, I fell on my fat ass at the end of the runway! As the crowd gasped, I gracefully grabbed the next girl’s hand, stood up, an kept walking. The crowd applauded. I stopped feeling fat and felt curvy. If I could make it through that, I could make it through anything. At the same time, I felt like I showed that young girl how hard modeling can really be sometimes.

We are Plus Sized, BBWs, Fill Figured, Curvy, Thick, PHAT, and Fat, but we are as sexy as we want to be as long as we dress right, look right, and keep a fabulous mentality!

Keep Curvy and Stay Curious

Overcoming Anxiety – Just Do It?


“Get over it.”

“Just do it.”

These are words I tell myself every day – unfortunately I don’t always listen. That is because I am one of the millions of people discretely struggling with an anxiety disorder. In my last post, I spoke a bit about my struggles with my body issues and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).  I will come out and say that I have Depression and Social Anxiety. There is a stigma in this country about mental illness, but sometimes the people, like myself, who hide it so well are the ones suffering the worst.  Anxiety disorders come in a range of specific diagnoses, but we all have from anxiety sometimes.

Do you get butterflies in your stomach before making a presentation at school or work? Do you feel like everyone is staring at you when you enter the cafeteria? Do you sweat bullets when you’re the center of attention?  I Do.

Socializing comes naturally to me, but deep down I am the most self conscious person I know. The reason I find this interesting is because I am more self-conscious of my personality than my looks. The silver lining in that is that I really am happy with who I am on the outside. The dark cloud is that I am not happy with who I am on the inside.

I was a social butterfly until I was about 20 years old, but I was able to push away my anxiety by drinking and partying.  Gradually the monster of depression crept up on me. I slowly started isolating myself.  I know that what really sent me into a downward spiral was my breakup, but the depression and anxiety were monsters deep inside just waiting for their chance to escape -and they took over.

A few years and many medication cocktails later – here I am.  I am a strong, confident woman, who is carrying a dark cloud, but I am not trying to hide it anymore.  I am pursuing modeling because I’m so confident in myself outwardly.  The problem is, when the anxiety takes over, sometimes my body will just not let me do things.  I’ve skipped countless casting calls and even turned down appearances because the thought of leaving the house terrifies me.  I’ve learned in the past few months that in order for me to be successful as a model I MUST learn how to break out of my comfort zone, which I have been stuck in for nearly five years.

I have actually been following through with my self improvement plan.  I have made friends.  The next step is allowing myself to spend time with them so I am not so withdrawn.  I am RSVPing to events and following through every time, because messing up once could be a career killer.  Now I’m booked for live events for the next two weeks.  When I’m thinking about it now, I get anxious, my stomach turns… But I will take it one day at a time.

I promise to myself and my readers to overcome this hurdle in my life, and show myself that I am stronger than I let myself be.

 

#IAmAFullBlossomBeauty

#IAmAFullBlossomBeauty – Click the Pic to check out FULL BLOSSOM MAGAZINE!

 

Keep Curvy and Stay Curious

I Weigh HOW MUCH?!? That Doesn’t Look Right..


When I look in the mirror, I don’t think, “So this is what 225 pounds looks like?”

When I look in the mirror, I do think, “So this is what I look like.”

Why the difference? Because for so many years I never felt like I weighed as much as I did. Maybe it was my lifestyle – the fact that I wasn’t bullied or made fun of for being fat – but I just didn’t feel like the fattest girl in school, but I was. This was all fine and dandy until one day riding the escalators up to the plus size department at Macy’s, looking at the wall-to-wall mirrors around us, I asked my mother, “Do I fatter than her?” She said yes.

I’m not mad at her for being honest. I think that moment changed my life forever (though not necessarily in a good way). From then on, I became obsessed with the number on the scale. I switched between anorexic and bulimic habits – starving for days, then eating more than anyone could imagine in one sitting, and sticking my fingers down my throat to make myself throw up. I don’t think anyone noticed the problem. I mean, duh, fat girls can’t be anorexic or bulimic! Anorexia is only for girls that look like this:

anorexia12

Right??

WRONG.

In my case, what I saw in the mirror was smaller than what I really was. I saw pictures of other people that weighed the same as me (290 lbs.), like her:

502-290_Jamie_L1

Jamie – 290 lbs.

But I felt like this:

Laura Johnson

Laura Johnson

But I really looked like this:

Me - 2008 - 280 lbs.

Me – 2008 – 280 lbs.

I eventually realized that, on top of my depression, I have some form of  Body Dysmorphic Disorder. According to Wikipedia, BDD is…

“…A type of mental illness, a somatoform disorder, wherein the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features. The person thinks they have a defect in either one feature or several features of their body, which causes psychological distress…”

BDD  is known to effect 1-2% of the population. It is most usually linked to people with anorexia, and pretty much works like this:

body_dysmorphic_disorder

Though, much less common, my case of BDD worked a bit in the opposite way, like this:

56453542201105171335291584852496276_032

Weird, right?

Well a huge  help for me was learning. Learning about proportions, metabolism, how medications effect my weight, etc. I think what snapped me back to reality was being integrated into the BBW/size acceptance world in my late teens. I HIGHLY recommend this website to give you an idea of how your weight looks proportionate to your height. It really gave me a great comparison, and helped me learn how to present myself (especially in modeling). Here is my comparison:

So all in all, don’t be in denial of your body. Be aware of your height, weight, and proportions, only for the sake of dressing well! Try (as hard as it may be) to focus on whats really in the mirror as opposed to the number on the scale.  Just like age, weight is just a number!

Stay Curvy and Keep Curious

Bras: Girls’ Best Frenemy


Some girls won’t leave the house without makeup. I can’t leave the house without a bra. As a busty buxom beauty at a 40DDD, my boobs are hard to handle, but I always make sure that my girls have all the support they need.

When I had my first go-see as a fit model, my agent said my bust was about 2″ too big for what the designer needed for their line. She said, “go to Macy’s and get a minimizer bra.” I ventured into Macy’s Herald Square in NYC, up six escalators, until I finally found the lingerie section. When I stepped off the escalator, I nearly had an anxiety attack seeing how much there was to choose from. Being from Jersey, I’m used to the limited selection at Caciquè in the mall. For the first time in my lifetime of being a self-proclaimed “bra expert,” I had to ask the saleswoman for help! Once I found some hideous looking soft cup minimizer bras, I high-tailed it to Vicki’s office to get re-measured. As ugly as the bra looked, I’d never felt so supported, and my boobs had never looked so good.

Lesson learned: always have the right bra for the right occasion. Depending on what you’re wearing over your intimates, the style may change. Here are my staples, straight from my closet (click the pics to shop):

  • Everyday / Casual:    Minimizer / Full Coverage / Side Smoothing
Belk

Bali Full Figure Comfort-U Satin Tracings Minimizer Bra

Plus Size Underwire Bra

Cacique Cushion Comfort Full Coverage Bra

  • Date Night / Gettin’ Some 😉     I love the look and feel of a Balconette, and they come in so many cute patterns and styles.
Cicique Lace Overlay Balconette Bra

Cicique Lace Overlay Balconette Bra

Cacique Full Figured Smoothing Balonette Bra

Cacique Full Figured Smoothing Balonette Bra

  • Strapless (and Bridal)     This category took me years to figure out. Regular strapless bras just wouldn’t give me the lift I needed, so I took a tip from Lifetime’s super-awesome show Double Divas and bought a full on corset bridal bra (It did the trick) This works great for strapless and halter tops:
Carnival Womens Full Figure Satin Torselette Bra

Carnival Womens Full Figure Satin Torselette Bra

Wearing the Strapless

Strapless (from the side)

Strapless (from the side)

  • Lazy Day / Sleep Bra     I don’t usually wear a bra to bed, but when I do I go with something simple with no underwire:
Cacique Cotton No-Wire Bra

Cacique Cotton No-Wire Bra

**AVOID THE PLUNGE if you have big boobs, or if you have any extra or loose skin on your breasts** I can’t wear them because it turns out something like this:

acc_inner_3

I am still searching for a solution to wearing a backless dress. Embarrassingly enough, I even tried using duct tape as pasties! (Didn’t work, BTW). Recently, I bought the most ahhhhmazing dress, perfect fit, perfect length, edgy green with black lace overlay, and (uh oh) a cutout back. My back is the favorite part of my body, and I would love to spread my wings and fly! I want to show these babies off:

20130705-065614.jpg

Us plus size girls are so often held back from wearing what we love because of our “tig ol’ bitties,” but let that be no longer! I hope this helped you figure out the right bra for you too. Stay tuned to Curvy and Curious for how to find the perfect fit.

Keep Curvy and Stay Curious

The Strange Ways I Lost 80 Lbs. Without Trying


I don’t like to talk numbers, because the number on the scale is not always accurate to how you look, but for the sake of this blog I’ll spill the beans.

At my highest weight, I was 298 pounds and wore a size 22. Then somewhere around age 18-19 I magically started shedding pounds. Everyone kept asking me, “what’s your secret????” and I would make up some healthy diet and exercise excuse, when really it was my unhealthy habits that contributed to my weight loss. [Please don’t take this as advice, it’s just #RealTalk]

  1. Quit Smoking Weed.  OK, I guess this is healthy to do, but still a weirdly obvious tip. I’ll admit it – I used to indulge quite a bit, but my misadventures led me into some real trouble which prompted me to get my shit together. When I stopped smoking pot, I stopped getting the midnight munchies. Going to a treatment program or NA meetings after work kept me from munching out of boredom. In about 3 months, I had lost 30 lbs without lifting a finger. That emotional high of losing weight sure felt (almost) as good as smoking a bowl.
  2. Love Swept Me Off My Feet.   My weight fluctuated a bit for the next year or so.  At age 20, I was back up to about 280 lbs. Then I fell flat on my fat ass in love. It was not a healthy relationship. He moved in with me almost immediately (I mean like, same day), before we really got to know each other. I’ve always had insecurities about eating in front of guys I like. It was practically a phobia when I was really young. Anywho, this guy was a total SCRUB! When I wasn’t working, I was driving him around or doing things for him. My diet slowly started weening down to 8 cups of coffee through the day, and a chicken patty on a sandwich for dinner, for about 9 months. During the time we were together, I lost about 50-60 lbs.
  3. Love KICKED My Ass, Hard.     He shattered my heart when I found out I was “some white jewish girl [he] uses for money,” at least thats what he told the other girl he was banging behind my back. and I fell into a deep depression. Immediately after/during our breakup, I didn’t eat ANYTHING for FIVE DAYS. Not because I was being anorexic, I was just so fucking depressed. I had to find something to fill the void, so I found me a perfect rebound boy toy. That was fun while it lasted, and was just what I needed to bounce back.
  4. I Became A Workaholic.     Also right after the breakup, I filled my life with work, work, work. In need of a more professional wardrobe, I went on a post-breakup shopping spree at Fashion to Figure – I mean the works… had the sales women picking clothes for me, went ant got my hair cut and highlighted, the whole shebang. I felt sexy as hell! Besides feeling good about myself for how I looked, I was kicking ass at work too. I was in a very high-pressure position and I loved my job. I also had absolutely no time to eat at work. I didn’t take breaks, besides for cigarettes and coffee runs.

By Spring, 2010, freshly 21 years old, I was 80 pounds lighter and felt sexy, but I didn’t feel healthy. I started having fainting spells. It was scary and dangerous. My blood pressure was very low and I felt dizzy all the time. My doctor said I had a B12 vitamin deficiency, and also sent me to a cardiologist and neurologist. The cardiologist told me that I have small heart palpitations and low blood pressure. I got my brain scanned by the neurologist and it came back normal. The only thing wrong with my brain is my depression and anxiety disorders.

I gained back another 10 pounds, but recently lost five more. This post is a commitment to myself that if I want to lose more weight, I will do it the healthy way.

 

Keep Curvy and Stay Curious.

 

 

#REALTALK – We All Secretly Want to be a Model


Plus size and full figured models are becoming more and more in demand, especially ever since a Caciqué by Lane Bryant commercial was pulled from the air and web for being too risqué! Now tell me, does this look any more revealing than any Victoria’s Secret commercial?

I mean really, look at Ashley Graham, from this commercial, for instance. Her body is perfect, and she is built to be a model – Amazonian beauty.

20130702-190925.jpg

How many of us big girls can compare to that?? I’m sure some of you are out there are blessed like Ashley, but most of us aren’t.

I needed to face the truth – I’m just not pretty enough to compare to any of the plus models out there on the market. [**NOTE** this comment is NOT self-deprecating. This site is about #REALTALK and I’m strong enough to admit my flaws AND try to overcome them]. No one has ever told me, “you should be a model!” I would walk past the model scout kiosks at the mall, hoping at least a scam artist would try and fool me at least, but not even. *le sigh*

Something told me to just keep going… Keep trying, and eventually someone will see that sparkle of talent that lay underneath all these layers of flub. I must admit, as I hinted in my post, What the #@&% did you just call me?, I started venturing into the BBW fetish world at 17, going on 18. Getting attention for my body felt so empowering, but I soon realized that it was the wrong attention. I’m not turned on by my fatness – I am just me, and I’m cool with that. I met people from dating sites that mostly ended up being hardcore FA’s [Fat Admirers], guys who’ve been told that “fat chicks give good head,” even scored a few hot nights with a tall, dark, and handsome Wall Street fellow that had a secret BBW fantasy. But I didn’t want to be anyone’s fetish or secret. I want to be me. When I finally realized the BBW world wasn’t for me, I decided to just focus on getting my life back together (more on that to come…).

Years later, after a serious relationship gone seriously wrong and losing my job, I had a refreshed feeling of ability and empowerment. I browsed Craigslist for modeling gigs, and eventually started networking and getting some opportunities. I soon realized that being a model (or actress) is NOT easy. Going to go-sees and never hearing back, spending money on headshots and comp cards, subscriptions for casting websites, hours spent sending out resumes and pictures… It is frustrating. I haven’t made it, and I probably never will, but hell, I’m confident in who I am and I believe that’s what sets me apart from the rest. If I make it, great, but if I don’t, I had a damn good time learning.

So to wrap up, I don’t want to discourage any of you curvy, bodacious babes to pursue modeling, but choose your path wisely. Don’t be fooled by scammers and assholes looking for blowjobs (sorry, pardon my French). If you’re serious about making a career of plus modeling, try to stay fit, fashionable, and dedicated. If you don’t have the look, don’t worry!!! Wait for my next article that will cover the world of FIT modeling!

Stay curvy and keep curious.

What the #@&% did you just call me?


Politically correct terms are ever-changing, so lets find out what’s the word. It seems that in different communities the words change. Lets go over some of the basics (click for links to urban dictionary definitions):

BBW:
In dating and the porn industry, the term for big girls is “BBW” [Big Beautiful Woman]. Do not be easily lured into BBW dating sites unless you really love being fat and it turns you on. The men who date “BBW” women call themselves “FA‘s” [Fat Admirers]. When you enter the world of BBW, be ready for FA’s to try and feed you twinkies for foreplay and ask you to crush them like a pancake (real talk – this has happened to me!). It’s also tempting to try BBW “modeling.” Think about it – all these guys showing so much love for your body that you’ve always been insecure about it. Post topless pics and get paid for it! – HIT THE BRAKES!!!!! your BBW modeling career will soon turn into something like this….. Keep in mind that if you do any adult BBW modeling, say “bye bye” to any future commercial modeling career. If you’re into feeding, gaining, and love love love being fat then go for it – no judgement here! *Note: many twiggy folk will use this word to describe or compliment you, not knowing that its mostly affiliated with porn and fetish, so don’t be offended!

THICK
“Thick” is a sexy word! Urban Dictionary says, “a girl who isn’t fat or skinny, but is well proportioned, has enough meat on her bones in all the right places, most men like the thick ones.” But dont get it twisted – you can be THICK and fat, as long as you’re well proportioned. This term is most used in the urban community. Many, if not most, black and Latino men will say they want a thick girl. Rappers talk about it, big asses are allll up in music videos (psssshh… Even Miley Cyrus’ new video is all about dat ass!) So yeah, “thick” is a good word people may use to describe you, and men will even use it to pick you up (i.e. “Dayum girl, look at those thick gams!”). I like.

Full-Figured
Buxom and shapely, with broad hips and lots of sensuous, womanly curves.” This is THE word in fashion and modeling. There is even a Full Figured Fashion Week! This word, in my eyes, is empowering. It applies to all of us bigger girls, anyone who is not a twig, no matter the shape of your body. It’s classy, sassy, and sexy! Though other people may not even know this term as an alternative to “plus size,” use it to describe yourself. Personally, I like Full Blossom Magazine’s new movement – #IAmAFullBlossomBeauty. Full-Figured is a fun, fearless word, so USE IT!

Last but not least…..
Being called “fat” still hurts.

What is your body type?


20130630-165250.jpg

Big or little, we all have a figure. Ok, so I agree that being referred to as a “pear” or “apple” may not sound too flattering, but If its any consolation, that “skinny bitch” at school or work is called a banana… hehe. We may all feel like apples or oranges at times, but our measurements speak differently. There are five main body shapes in the fashion industry – here are some examples (with a few great up-and-coming plus models to boot!):


Rectangle:

20130630-173816.jpg
Annoula Dritsas


Apple:

20130630-171445.jpg
Gabourey Sidibe

      Triangle:

 

20130630-172357.jpg
Rosie Mercado


Pear:

20130630-173431.jpg

Michele Hilton


Hourglass:

20130630-173026.jpg
Laura Johnson

Keep reading to learn how to dress better for your shape!

xoxo Emilie

%d bloggers like this: