Category Archives: Dating
I recently became happily engaged to my partner of more than two years. Though I’m only 24, I feel like I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince.
Growing up, my BFF (fellow curvy girl as well), was a powerful Type-A social butterfly. We may not be close now, but my whole teenage life pretty much revolved around our antics together, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without having her in my life. If she’s reading this, she knows who she is – Let’s call her.. Vidalia.
When I first met Vidalia* she was my idol. She looked older and had been through a lot in her life before we met in 6th Grade. Her self-confidence was something I hadn’t experienced before, still to this day. At first, it was intimidating – especially when she quickly became the most popular girl in school. She had a way of commanding attention when she walked in the room, and she got any guy she wanted. She was friends with everyone at school. I thought the popular girls are supposed to be skinny, athletic, etc., but she broke the mold. Both Vidalia and I were both big girls with big personalities, I always wondered… Why her and not me??
To be honest, I often got jealous of her and all the attention she got without even trying. We would go to the mall and walk around, hoping to be approached by a guy or two (or three…). Guys would whistle at her as she walked by, and one day I just said it: “Why you and not me?” She simply stated, “Do you look available?” It became an inside joke – every time we’d go out, we’d say, “Do I look available?” and burst out laughing. In the back of my mind, I still wondered, what makes you look available?
After observing Vidalia closely for nearly 10 years – following her on adventures and having all kinds of fun – I’ve come to realize that her attitude – the way she carries herself , the way she leaves the house without makeup or hair done and not give a fuck, her spontaneous personality, and outrageous sense of humor – were what drew people to her. Gotta admit… maybe sometimes we may have gone a little too far trying to get the guy (you don’t want to know).
Now that we’ve both ventured off into adulthood and both settled down with the men we will marry, we’ve both taken the time to look back and weigh the lessons we learned from our crazy, reckless, teenage years. We’ve both ended up with people that were the opposite of what we dated back then. Know what that tells me? When you try to “look available” you’ll be getting plenty of attention from guys that, frankly, are looking for an available vagina. Let your confidence take over it do the work for you. Some people, like Vidalia, are naturally confident. Others of us have to chip away at our outer layer for years before that inner shine will come through, and when it does, it will have been well worth the wait.
Until you find your inner Vidalia, go ahead and have fun. Make mistakes and learn from them. When it comes to sex, it’s great to explore but always be safe. A baby or STD sure as hell won’t give you the confidence you need. Still remember, life is a never-ending journey to find yourself.
Keep Calm and Stay Curvy
Politically correct terms are ever-changing, so lets find out what’s the word. It seems that in different communities the words change. Lets go over some of the basics (click for links to urban dictionary definitions):
In dating and the porn industry, the term for big girls is “BBW” [Big Beautiful Woman]. Do not be easily lured into BBW dating sites unless you really love being fat and it turns you on. The men who date “BBW” women call themselves “FA‘s” [Fat Admirers]. When you enter the world of BBW, be ready for FA’s to try and feed you twinkies for foreplay and ask you to crush them like a pancake (real talk – this has happened to me!). It’s also tempting to try BBW “modeling.” Think about it – all these guys showing so much love for your body that you’ve always been insecure about it. Post topless pics and get paid for it! – HIT THE BRAKES!!!!! your BBW modeling career will soon turn into something like this….. Keep in mind that if you do any adult BBW modeling, say “bye bye” to any future commercial modeling career. If you’re into feeding, gaining, and love love love being fat then go for it – no judgement here! *Note: many twiggy folk will use this word to describe or compliment you, not knowing that its mostly affiliated with porn and fetish, so don’t be offended!
“Thick” is a sexy word! Urban Dictionary says, “a girl who isn’t fat or skinny, but is well proportioned, has enough meat on her bones in all the right places, most men like the thick ones.” But dont get it twisted – you can be THICK and fat, as long as you’re well proportioned. This term is most used in the urban community. Many, if not most, black and Latino men will say they want a thick girl. Rappers talk about it, big asses are allll up in music videos (psssshh… Even Miley Cyrus’ new video is all about dat ass!) So yeah, “thick” is a good word people may use to describe you, and men will even use it to pick you up (i.e. “Dayum girl, look at those thick gams!”). I like.
“Buxom and shapely, with broad hips and lots of sensuous, womanly curves.” This is THE word in fashion and modeling. There is even a Full Figured Fashion Week! This word, in my eyes, is empowering. It applies to all of us bigger girls, anyone who is not a twig, no matter the shape of your body. It’s classy, sassy, and sexy! Though other people may not even know this term as an alternative to “plus size,” use it to describe yourself. Personally, I like Full Blossom Magazine’s new movement – #IAmAFullBlossomBeauty. Full-Figured is a fun, fearless word, so USE IT!
Last but not least…..
Being called “fat” still hurts.