Sorry it’s been a while, Curvy Girls!! I’m sure you’re all curious to hear what I feel like venting about today!
In my last post, you all met my fiancé, who happens to be African American. I can honestly say that despite all my insecurities, I’ve found someone I can really trust 100% to never cheat on me. He is my rock. I know I’m only 24, but that’s still 10 years of heartbreak until I found my match **knock on wood**. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking…. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Well, this article should be considered early intervention for any confused fat girls’ bad taste in men!
When I was about 16 till 18, I was at my heaviest – almost 300 lbs. I was a party girl in high school, and in this day in age it seems the Millennial Generation (you 12-18 year olds) parties harder than we Generation Y-ers (us 19-28 year old farts) did! This site is for me to use my personal experience to help people learn from my mistakes.. So here is my #REALTALK on my experiences with inter-racial dating…
When I was in my younger teens, I never wanted to mess with a black dude. It just wasn’t my thing. I was raised in an almost all-white suburb by a Jewish father and Arian-esque mother. Little did I know that one day I would date one black guy… Then two… Then, well, you get where I’m going with this.
Living where I do, right outside one of the worst three cities in the nation – Newark,NJ – and partying the reckless ways we did, we met a lot of guys. The majority of the ones who paid attention to me were black. I started to sleep around, put myself in dangerous situations, hurt people close to me, all because the attention from these douchebags made me feel so good about myself. I felt sexy. Little did I know until later, I wasn’t sexy. I was sleazy. It didn’t take someone to tell me I was a sleazeball for me to figure it out. My self-esteem was so high up that when I fell, I crash landed. By the tender age of just 21, I had already hit my rock [apple] bottom. Long story short, here’s what happened:
He lived in my house and off of my paycheck. I was so smitten with having such a charming, handsome, too-good-to-be-true man by my side. Long story short: it ended when I found out he was using my phone to mess with a cute black chick while he was on vacation in ATL. The worst part? She said to me on the phone, “He told me you were just some white Jewish girl he gets money from.” Not one to be played out again, needless to say I kicked him out that day.
I made sure to make my rebound worth while, with a tall, slim, sexy black guy. No strings attached. It was nice while it lasted, but once we ended our FWB situation, I decided to swear off guys for a while. No online dating, no clubbing, none of that, until….
A few months into my celibacy, I needed a date for a party. My friend said, “You’d love this guy – he’s black and really cute and likes big girls.” Great, just what I needed: a tall drink of chocolate milk to tempt me. When I met him, I realized that was all he was – eye candy that would take whatever vagina is handed to him. His cousin who tagged along on the other hand…. he had a great personality, and that night, he wasn’t trying to impress me because I was there with someone else. I couldn’t help but find myself thinking about my date’s cousin until I had to send him a message on Facebook to tell him how I felt. I was pursuing him?? With such a big chance of rejection? What was I thinking????
Now that I can look back clearly, I see that my escapades and who I ended up with had nothing to do with black guys. It had everything to do with me, my self-image, and my self-worth. I never thought I was cute enough to get a “regular guy” (by our society’s standards). It wasn’t until I took control over my own life, instead of living off the attention of others, that I could find happiness.
You will live and you will learn, but take time now to take a step back and look at your life 5-10 years from now. Will you be knocked up by some hood dude? Will you be stuck in an abusive relationship because you feel like you can’t find anyone better? Or will you be a strong, independent woman with a man you love by your side? Luckily, I chose the latter path, but it was a choice. You are worth more than you think, and even if you don’t feel worth it, seeking validation from others could eventually be your ultimate downfall. Love will find you: Black, white, red, yellow, It doesn’t matter. You are not a stereotype. You are you.
Keep Curvy and Stay Curious.